Ham it up!

I confess to having a problem with appetizers. I eat one, and, my appetite stimulated, I reach for another. Then some more…

And then I’m sated. End of meal.

Fortunately, Filipino meals are a one-act affair. No preliminaries. Everything is laid out on the table and what you see is what you get (which reminds me of a cousin; we were at a multi-course dinner and by the third or fourth course she was in a snit: “When do we get to the f**king rice?”). To a typical Pinoy, a course is something that you go to school for, and a meal does not come in three acts, much less six.

So what’s with that rather chichi-looking plate of antipasto, you ask? Well, let’s just say it was a concession to the sensibilities of some people we had over at dinner the other day. I could just as easily have served them peanuts to nibble on, but you know what they say about Pinoys: We’re so hospitable, not to mention borderline show-offs. What better way to impress guests than with mango and arugula wrapped in prosciutto? It smacks of class and makes the host look good. Natch.

Now I know what some of you are thinking, and the answer is an emphatic “no” on all counts:

No, we don’t usually have prosciutto in stock. My mother was in Manila and called from the deli to ask if I needed anything. “Let’s see… Get me some Parmesan, and, um, I think they have prosciutto, too… Oh, they do? Do yourself a favor; don’t look at —” But it was too late: an audible gasp told me she’d just seen the price sticker. So what does it say about me that I was serving Italian ham as a starter course days later? Mama’s boy is right. Come to think of it, I actually did her a favor, serving that ham to her guests.

No, it’s not as expensive as you think. While prosciutto does cost upwards of PhP2K per kilo, it comes in paper-thin slices so even a quarter of a kilo yields a lot more in terms of actual pieces than if it were your standard ham. In fact, I only used half a slice per assembly (it would have been too salty otherwise). My math’s rusty, but I figure each piece cost PhP25-30. Not bad, huh?

No, you don’t need to cook prosciutto. You can, if you want to, but think of it as pork lover’s sushi. Now imagine fried sushi. It’s not exactly sacrilege, but you’ll miss out on the taste, which the food writer Lynne Rossetto Kasper says is “like someone infused the flavors of nuts, cream, fruit, and meat essence into a ham.” That’s how a gourmet talks, by the way. I’m just a gourmand.

And —

No, I won’t go out of my way to eat or make this food. It tastes interesting, and it may come in handy when you need to bowl someone over (a particularly discerning date, perhaps?), but I just can’t be bothered. If you really want to talk to me about appetizers, you only need to mention bagoong. Now that stuff whets the appetite like crazy, making any dish more palatable than it has any right to be.

Okay, let me take that back: Bagoong alone makes for a main dish.