The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise
Ruth Reichl (Penguin, 2005)
“I always seem to get bad service,” I told Helen. “I don’t know why.”
“Well, I do,” she snapped. “You look like an old lady.”
I have to do right by Ruth Reichl. After finding two of her recipes somewhat of a letdown (see here and here), I am compelled to say that you have to experience this book. It is written with so much love: for food, cooking, eating, and the places we indulge these pleasures in; for the various and varied cultures that add twists and surprises to these pleasures; and for the people who go out of beaten paths to explore and push the boundaries of gastronomy.
Ms. Reichl was famously the restaurant critic of The New York Times before she went on to become editor of Gourmet magazine. She was equally infamous for going about her job incognito, confounding New York’s starchiest dining establishments. Indeed, how do you wow that special someone when she could be just about anyone?
“Food is important,” she observes in one review, “but nobody goes to Le Cirque just to eat. People go for the experience of being in a great restaurant. Sometimes they get it; sometimes they don’t. It depends on who they are.” As The Critic, she gets the royal treatment, whisked straight to the best table while the King of Spain is made to wait at the bar. Life, she wryly observes, is never that good in the real world.
If only it were. But then this book wouldn’t be half as funny. An aging hippie, Reichl discovers, is a good character to be at Daniel, where she enjoys a wonderful dinner. Being a blonde works, too, especially if you want to score a classy meal at Lespinasse. On the other hand, she pays to be humiliated as a timid housewife at Le Cirque and gets the cold shoulder as a mousy spinster at Tavern on the Green. It all depends on who you are.
And then there’s the episode at 21, where she does an imitation of her hyper-critical mother. (On the oysters: “You can’t eat these. They’ve been out of the water too long.” On the lobster bisque: “Tepid soup is not worth eating. Take it back and do not return until it is steaming.”) Reading that, I could not help but wonder about the poor server. I have friends in the hospitality industry, and let me just say that they have ways of getting back at problematic customers. I keep that in mind for when I’m tempted to act out in a restaurant.
Or stick to bottled water.
But I’m not here to scare you. Like I said, you have to experience this book. It’s not just about ritzy restaurants. Or food. Or the occasional recipe (hah!). Or goofy characters (you have to meet Claudia). Or NYT newsroom politics. Which are fascinating in and of themselves, but at this point you’re probably muttering, Well then, dipshit, what is it?
But why should I tell you? You can read, can’t you? Go ahead and get yourself a copy. Reichl is a gifted and wonderful writer. She sets your imagination to work and it’s loads funnier than any screwball comedy. If you know what she looks like, you certainly need to imagine how she manages to fit a wig on top of all that hair.
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