In which I do some math

We love meat floss. Pa always keeps some to go with his porridge — it’s the Chinese in him, we like to say, bàho/màho not being typical Filipino fare. I have no such cultural references. I used to prefer to eat meat floss on its own, which was to say it did not stir my imagination the way bagoong (fermented fish/shrimp) did. And it would have stayed that way had I not been introduced to BreadTalk’s pork floss buns. That was when I saw the light.

How could I have missed such an obvious pairing? I was crazy for those buns, I tell you. I had them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks in-between. I was so enamored with how savory-good they were, it never occurred to me that I could make my own. Not bake-them make-my-own, but something far easier, even a toddler could do it. All I needed were soft bread (pan de leche, say), sweet/spicy mayonnaise, and the floss; everything else was assembly work.

I’m laughing. I wish I had thought of that sooner — like before I set out to make those milk buns from scratch. I had thought them so special that I overlooked the centuries-old concept behind them: synergy, I believe it is called. Or the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. Aristotle would have been proud of the people behind BreadTalk. That’s if he is not scandalized by their prices.

My buns were far from the kind BreadTalk makes. Way, way far, I don’t mind telling you. David Lebowitz I ain’t. Like I said, I could have saved time and gas by buying milk bread from a bakery and the result would have looked and tasted much better. Mine were very much in the spirit of making do, which just about sums up my baking career. I don’t mind telling you that, either. Why should I? They’re loads better than instant noodles at three in the morning, although given the state of my health I might as well be ingesting poison. But it sure wouldn’t be half as fun.

Instant Pork Floss Buns

These buns cost about a fifth of what BreadTalk charges for theirs. (Note: I’m bad at math.) You can have them as hot or mild as you want. Chicken or tuna floss can be substituted for pork floss. As for the buns, I’m certain your local bakery has an array of milk breads to choose from. Just keep in mind that you’re handling soft bread, so take extra care, especially when slicing.

• milk bread
• pork floss

For the spread:
• ¼ cup mayonnaise
• 2 teaspoons honey or condensed milk
• ½ teaspoon cayenne or paprika
• 1 tablespoon sriracha or any hot sauce (optional)
• 1 teaspoon dried chili flakes (optional)
• pinch of salt

1. In a bowl, mix all ingredients for the spread.
2. Starting half an inch from one side of the bread, make a cut along its length, stopping half an inch short of the other side. Do not slice bread all the way to the bottom, just up to a third of the way in.
3. Slather the spread on top of the bread and into the cut. Hold bread upside down and dip gently into a plate of pork floss until top is evenly coated. Serve.