Cold comfort

I’m perfectly aware that ice cream contains up to 50% air, but biting into a stick of Selecta’s Mango Graham Cake, the overwhelming sensation was of eating cornstarch (or so I imagined). It cost a mere ₱15, so I knew better than to expect anything special. Just not something on that scale of awful. Awful, I’m telling you.

Having said that, I absolutely dig Selecta’s Coffee Crumble (which is really just a fancy way of saying “mocha”). It is the inspiration for my homemade ice cream. Looks like the real McCoy, doesn’t it? A little too dense for my taste, perhaps, but given how easy it was to make, I could hardly complain. And no — I don’t own an ice-cream maker.

Or drink coffee — hot or cold, with cream or no. While my friends get their fix at Starbucks, I dash into the Fully Booked next door. I end up spending more; who’s counting? The only “coffee” that appeals to me in liquid form is the kind made with roasted ground corn (binukbok to us Bisaya) like my late maternal grandmother used to serve. It tastes a lot like regular coffee (again, I imagine), but without the caffeine, so much easier on the nerves. Cheaper, too. I bet it would make great ice cream.

Maybe next time. There will be a next time; the weather guarantees it. You do not need to see Years of Living Dangerously (premiering tonight on the National Geographic Channel) to realize that something is seriously wrong with our planet’s climate — and how much we are responsible for it. A pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, for instance, adds up to two pounds of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere, mostly from the cows that produce manure (21 times more potent than CO₂) along with milk for the cream. In comparison, “a medium car generates around one pound of CO₂ per mile driven.” Think I made that up? It’s from a B&J-commissioned study.

So there’s really no excuse for mediocre ice cream, now that bovines have sealed our fate. To make your own, you need cold heavy/whipping cream (1½ cups), condensed milk (¾ cup), cold coffee (⅓ cup; I used 2 sachets of Nescafe instant), Bailey’s Irish Cream or Kahlua (¼ cup), cocoa powder (1 tablespoon), chocolate chips (preferably dark; 2 tablespoons), and toasted cashew nuts (2 tablespoons, chopped). For the equipment, an electric hand mixer.

Start by mixing milk, coffee, alcohol, and cocoa. Set aside. In another bowl, beat cold cream on low, then gradually increase speed to high until stiff peaks form (that’s when they stand straight up when you lift the beaters). Fold cream gently but thoroughly into the milk/coffee mixture. Lastly, add chocolate chips and cashew nuts. Pour into a metal pan (I used small loaf pans), cover with plastic, and freeze.

A note on the alcohol. You can leave it out, or substitute with your booze of choice. In the case of the latter, be aware that alcohol will lower your ice cream’s freezing point. Bailey’s has 17% alcohol, so you can use more of it, as opposed to rum, say, which has around 40%. Now there’s another must-do: rum coffee ice cream! That should shake the starch out of anyone.