Mall Thai

For the last leg of a recent three-country Southeast Asian cruise, our ship anchored off Patong in Phuket, Thailand. Stepping ashore, I instantly regretted having signed up for the guided tour: I could have spent the time making the rounds of the food stands, restaurants, and bars along the beachfront and nearby Soi Bangla. Alas, our guide promptly whisked our group onto a bus and off we went.

I will not bore you with the itinerary, but suffice it to say that the highlight of the tour was a stopover at the local mall. Perhaps our guide thought taking us to a revue featuring a company of ladyboys would wow us, but we have enough of such exotica back home, and besides, the impressive production design could not make up for the rote performances. Shopping, on the other hand — more than three quarters of our group was female, so there.

But even they needed to stop for nourishment. Much as I wanted to go for local street food, I had to resign myself to the mall equivalent. At least my friends had enough sense than join the others at MacDonald’s. We chose a joint named Thai Bistro.

While waiting for our orders to arrive, I stepped out into the promenade for a quick smoke. As it turned out, the spot I chose was near the delivery entrance, which was how I chanced upon boxes of canned coconut cream being wheeled in. What the–?!? It was not an encouraging sign, considering that most of the food we ordered had coconut in them. This was Thailand, after all — the world’s sixth largest coconut-producing country.

Trying to keep an open mind, I kept this tidbit from my companions. Truth was, I would have looked petty pointing that out when no one noticed that the tunô was the pasteurized version; even I had to admit that I would not have guessed otherwise had it not been for my inadvertent discovery. Still, someone noted that something was iffy with the mango disco, a dessert of diced mango and tapioca pearls in coconut milk slushie. “Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to taste,” I offered. And she said, “As in spoiled?” In any case, we decided we were better off not risking a case of the runs, and steered clear of said dessert.

Having said that, the rest of the dishes were tasty (and appropriately spicy). We had started with tom yum (the Thai version of sinigang, this one with coconut milk) and seafood tom kha (a thinner, lighter, more aromatic version of ginataan) — both redolent of galangal and kaffir lime — then went on to stir-fried chicken with cashew nuts, and pad kee mao (drunken noodles), which intrigued us on two counts: it came with pepper drupes, which none of us had had before (spiciness level: mild), and the noodles looked like they came straight out of a pack of Lucky Me instant Canton. For dessert, aside from the unlamented mango disco, ripe mango cheek with sticky rice (good, though I missed the spike of ginger, as with the puto back home), topped with thickened coconut milk combined with whipping cream; and a Thai-style mango sundae (mango ice cream, mango sauce, and whipping cream on top of warm sticky rice).

Are you thinking fusion? Same here. I forgot to mention that the tom yum came with noodles. As for the pad kee mao, I can not claim a preference for the more traditional flat rice noodles, although I could have welcomed the opportunity to change my mind. And what can I say about dessert, except that I love sticky rice? Oh yes: I like mine without accouterments.

Our tab ran to around two thousand baht, or almost ₱500 per head. Quite pricey, if par for the location. But if you crave for someplace less sterile and more fun (not to mention cheap), you definitely will not run out of options on Bangla Road.