In which I dare hope

I have been looking to make another list for quite some time. Lists are fun (and traffic-friendly), so even though I’m not in the habit of drawing up new year’s resolutions/wishes (or that the Chinese do it for theirs; I think they are superstitious (and busy) enough already to bother), here’s a list of things I believe worth hoping for in the year of the goat (or ram, or sheep).

1. I wish for the Chinese government to be more strict about regulating food processing. If the Party were as zealous guarding citizens against unscrupulous food purveyors as it is trying to restrict their access to the Internet, less lives would be at real risk. As things stand, the list of China-related food scares of 2014 is more or less a variation on tired, familiar themes: expired/spoiled meat (supplied to unwitting corporate clients like McDonald’s, KFC, Pizza Hut, and Starbucks); gutter oil (this time rendered from discarded animal parts); and harmful chemicals (lead in Heinz’s infant cereal). There was no sparing our beloved pets, either. Apparently, nearly 6,000 dogs have fallen ill after eating China-made jerky treats since 2007. Now that makes me mad. It’s one thing to endanger people’s lives with bad food — but dogs’? Comrades, heads must roll.
2. If (1) is too herculean a task, here’s something more manageable: Can Jollibee at least put more sauce into its pancit palabok? I admit: I like “that slop” (which is how a friend refers to this very Tagalog noodle dish rarely served in the Visayas outside of a Jollibee). But must the Bee be so stingy with the sauce? Filipinos live for the sauce, and what’s more Pinoy-looking than palabok? It’s messy and has a little of everything (pork, smoked fish, shrimp, and hard-boiled egg). And colorful, too — in a garishly enticing way. With fries, please.
3. I wish local groceries would carry more basic food items. While I concur that vanilla seed pods and fleur de sel are not basic, can we at least agree on butter? Or decent fish sauce? (Sorry, Rufina.) Or goddamned cheddar cheese? Feel free to add your peeves to the list.

   Will we finally see a steady supply of goat meat in the coming lunar year? I hope so, because I’ve long wondered: Are goats that hard to breed or feed that we have to source them all the way from Bohol? Last I heard, they are quite content to munch on grass. We do grow grass around here, don’t we? (And are you aware that “the Chinese word for ‘envy’ originally referred to a person salivating over a goat”? (See link above.))

   On a related note, I wish our local government would ease off on taxing street vendors. These people don’t earn enough to feed their families, for crying out loud. I miss siakoy and buchi (the vendor sells Yakult nowadays), balut, sotanghon-filled empanada (limp and soggy but oh so good) — even the gummy pancakes at the town plaza. Speaking of which, no wonder Gat Rizal does not get much company these days. The beer-on-wheels vendor with his hefty patong has been taxed out of business, too.

4. I wish Lotis Key would write more. This one has nothing to do with food. Or her screen persona, not that I remember what that was. But the woman can write (the understatement of the year, I dare say), and for a born-again Christian she sure has a healthy sense of humor. Lady, you rock.
5. Finally, this pipe dream: a ban on firecrackers. Those things are deadly, loud, and infantile. And they scare the bejesus out of my dogs. Oh, I get it: it’s Chinese new year. Know what I say to that? If these people are so bent on upholding tradition (no matter if it isn’t theirs), let them settle for giving out red envelopes. I eagerly await.

Image: Year of the Goat 2015 (Vector Open Stock)