To the wonder

“Here we go again,” I mutter to myself as I approach the table. I am at SM’s houseware section, and behind said table is a person extolling the virtues of the Wonder Chopper, let’s just call it, because honestly I don’t bother to check, instantly taken am I by… well, by the wonder of it.

It’s the last thing I expect.

The Wonder Chopper (WC) is what’s called a unitasker — a utensil that’s designed for a single purpose. Alton Brown dislikes such gadgets and he has a point. Really, how often do you get to use a crab fork or (get this) a beer foamer? Our pantry is crowded with such stuff, some of which have not even seen action at all: vacuum marinator, pasta roller, electric deep fryer, apple corer/slicer, salad tongs, corkscrews, non-stick rolling pin (no truth to that), frozen-fruit dessert churner, several coffee brewers, egg poachers of all shapes and capacities, and so on and so forth. Most came with the balikbayan boxes from my sisters, some through the TV shopping channels (I could swear my father has them on speed dial), and a few that I purchased after seeing a demo, somehow always at SM (not that I go there regularly), like the “revolutionary” paring knife that seemed to have been designed solely for southpaws (I’m right-handed).

But the WC is different. It’s one thing to wield a knife and quite another to depress a spring-loaded handle. The former involves a degree of dexterity while the latter makes child’s play of chopping/dicing. What finally gets my attention is when the demo guy gives the WC’s handle a few more furious vertical whacks, and then… “Therema’amsir,” — and here he pauses, not so much for effect as to catch his breath while looking up to see if someone is actually around to listen — “youjustdothatandyougetthislookma’amsir!”

I’m breathless, but not from his sales pitch. There on the cutting board lies a mound of perfectly minced garlic! ASMR! Mincing is tedious work, as any person would know who’s had to cut something up into very (very!) small pieces. But it’s part and parcel of kitchen duty. You do what needs doing. BTW, to mince also means to grind, as you would meat. Now try putting the three cloves of garlic a recipe calls for through a meat grinder and see what (if anything) comes out.

So, yes — the WC is a unitasker. But so is a wire whisk or can opener. What matters is that you employ it often enough. I can’t say the same of an egg cup or garlic press (inexplicably, we have three, which is three more than I need). Or, for that matter, the aforementioned meat grinder; the butcher’s got one, why bother? The WC even comes with a free peeler which is built into some kind of receptacle that’s supposed to catch the peel as it comes off — y’know, just in case you’re in the habit of letting those things fly all over the kitchen, you pig. I can tell you now that the chamber (or whatever it’s called) doesn’t always do its job. Besides what use do I have for another peeler? I already have a dozen of them (minus that “revolutionary” paring knife, which I promptly threw out).

At ₱399, the WC is a steal. You work that handle three or four times and get uniformly diced garlic/onion/ginger/whatever. Another three or four whacks and you get a mince (more for a fine mince; you can go at it until you have mush). You don’t even need a chopping board — it has a built-in cup/cap that is deep enough to let you work on six large garlic cloves at a time (although if you ask me, a chopping board gives better results). With the WC, you spend more time peeling than mincing. It’s my new kitchen workhorse.

Just in case you still doubt just how much of a time-saver the WC can be, let’s make Tartar sauce, like I did the other day. Get your chopping board, knife, bowl, and timer ready. Ready? Start by mincing a hard-boiled egg (no cheating with an egg slicer, hey). Done? Slice a quarter off a Spanish onion and mince that as well, then let sit in an ice water bath to take the “bite” off them. After 10 minutes, drain and dry with a paper towel. Next up, mince a whole medium pickle (again, no cheating with pickle relish, at least not in this instance — we’re trying to prove a point). Pour in 2 to 3 tablespoons of the pickling liquid for a thinner sauce. Follow that with a handful of dill and Italian parsley — let’s save you some time and mince the two together. And finally, ½ cup of mayonnaise, a tablespoon of lemon juice, and a tablespoon of honey. Mix everything well in a bowl, add salt to taste, and refrigerate at least an hour before using (this pairs well with fried seafood).

So how long did it take you to chop everything? Whatever your time, I can confidently say that it took me less. Five minutes, in fact. Now imagine if you were to make a bigger batch of that condiment. Of course, if you have a food processor or blender that would speed things up exponentially, but if you simply add up the time you will have saved with every meal that you chopped, minced, and/or diced with the WC, it would still come up to a lot. And just in case you think I’m earning referral money singing its praises: I wish. All I’m saying is, the next time you see a demo table in the houseware section, mosey over for a look-see. It won’t kill you to check. And if you spy that green contraption like in the second photo, you’ve got my assurance that it works exactly as touted. Get yourself one.

On the other hand, if the person behind the counter is raving about some paring knife, do me a favor and tell him he’s full of shit.

The Edmark Smart Kitchen Combo (chopper and peeler) retails for ₱500 at Lazada.